


Glitchy Variables AU (mermaid!undyne) Oneshots!

by twilitalks



Series: Glitchy Variables [2]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alphyne, Alternate Universe - Monsters Weren't Sealed Underground, F/F, Fluff, Ghost Smooching, Humor, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Valentine's Day, not really but i wish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-04-30 14:31:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14499072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilitalks/pseuds/twilitalks
Summary: This is where I'll be storing all the Glitchy Variables AU oneshots! (so i dont clutter up the alphyne tag dfkagfkd)Read along to watch as Undyne explores the unfamilar world of the surface, with the help of her good-friend-and-totally-not-super-mega-crush Dr Alphys (and others who are just watching these two play Gay Chicken at this point)!(I have some already planned, but requests are always welcome!)





	1. Single's Awareness Day (circa GV CH 5)

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE READ:  
> \--------------  
> EDIT: 5/2/2018: i made this just a multichapter fic now, and ill be storing all of the oneshots here instead of making separate fics every time and cluttering the tag (also i figured it would be easier to anyone reading to have them all in one place and can get any updates easier if they're subscribed). if there's any that happen to be ch specific, or take place in a specific time frame, I'll be sure to label them for spoilers sake!  
> \--------------
> 
> hey!! before starting, these oneshots tie into my AU, so without reading that first a lot of this (typically why undyne is a bit lost overall and confused, among other things) probably won't make sense- sorry!  
> [Here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12518740/chapters/28504168) 's the main story if you'd like to give it a read!  
> second, while this and future oneshots take place in the same universe, not reading them will not affect the main story's plot in any way- this is just ideas i had that didn't fit into the overall plot. Think of it as enhancers, but not necessary!
> 
> (REGARDING CH 1:lastly i know its May but take some February content sorry don't look at me )  
> \--------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In which Mettaton and Alphys invite Undyne to join them on their annual Single People Valentine's tradition, Mettaton has a secret admirer, Undyne meets a ghost with cute snails, and maybe also ends up with an accidental valentine without even realizing it(!)

Alphys liked Valentine’s Day.

Which was a surprising concept, in and of itself, because it wasn’t because of all the hearts or the teddy bears or the message or the idea or the excuse to daydream about having a Valentine.

Alphys liked Valentine’s day, because she loved sales on chocolate and heart shaped candy the very next day.

It wasn’t that they were even bitter, as a matter of fact, 9/10 times Alphys and Mettaton were poking fun at how cheesy the entire holiday was. It was just… tradition now. To watch scary movies all February 14th, wake up around one in the afternoon on the 15th, and buy as much discounted candy as they desired (which was quite a lot). For them to read the horribly corny Valentine’s cards and messages that usually came with the candy packages, and for Alphys to help Mettaton stick heart-shaped stickers onto his legs.

Often, Mettaton would get many fan-sent valentine cards, and flowers, and chocolate (that he let Alphys have), and he would cherish them all, but nothing more. Alphys would read some aloud, and Mettaton would pretend he wasn’t embarrassed and bashful and wasn’t trying to decode who would have sent some of the anonymous ones (they always seemed oddly familiar). Sometimes, Bratty and Catty would call and ask to profess their undying love to Mettaton.

They’d preface their horror movie marathons with a visit to Napstablook’s house, with the biggest bouquet of flowers Mettaton could find, decorated with halloween ghost wrapping they had saved for months prior, and their favorite Monster Candy. They always became emotional at the gesture, to which Alphys felt awkward because, even after so many years, how was she supposed to stop their crying?

They would show her and Mettaton their new music upon being prompted, and almost always declined their horror-movie marathon on account of not wanting to impose- and the two would return home in hopes of not waking too late and missing out on all the chocolate sales on the 15th.

The only problem was that, this year….

“Hey, Alphys!”

They had an extra person in the mix.

Undyne ran into the room, holding up some newspaper they had probably gotten in the mail a few days prior. Alphys was avoiding the mail-woman now- since it was February now and she was bound to embarrass herself around her sooner-or-later.

“Hm?” Alphys hummed in response, not looking up from her phone. A new chatroom had opened, and she needed the hourglasses…

“What’s Valentine’s day?”

That got her attention. Blinking, she looked up and squinted, adjusting her glasses as she tried to look at whatever Undyne was holding up. Oh. Valentine’s special at Grillbys. By one meal get one. Just one. Not free or anything.

“Papyrus was telling me earlier about it- does it have to do with this stuff?” She continued, pointing to the hearts littering the newspaper page, and the little cartoon of a box-shaped  Mettaton with a giant heart against his screen. She guessed it was MTT approved.

“Its, uh…” Alphys wondered how to even explain it without making it sound stupid. “I-it’s a day for people to express their love, its k-kinda cheesy….”

Undyne still looked confused.

“Like, uh,” Alphys sat up now. “Materialistically! With flowers and chocolate and balloons and s-stuffed animals, stuff like that….”

Undyne turned the newspaper towards her, examining it. As if she could read it. She couldn’t. “Oh. It sounds-”

“Alphys, darling!” Mettaton called out loudly as he descended the stairs, holding a giant bouquet with ghost-and-bat themed halloween paper. “Ready to go smooch a ghost?”

“Wait-” Alphys checked her phone’s calendar.

**Wednesday, February 14th, 20XX**

“W-wait, that’s today?!” She gasped. Mettaton looked unimpressed.

“Yes. Hello- Where have you been? Honestly, sometimes you’re such a mess.” He sighed, going down the rest of the stairs and over to where Alphys sat. “It’s fine. I signed their card from us both.”

“Which one did you get?”

“The one with the musical dogs.”

“Oh, that one was cute…!”

“ _AHEM_!” Undyne cleared her throat, rather loudly, and caused them to both look over at her. She flailed her arms a bit exasperatedly. “Anyone want to fill me in?!”

“She’s, uh, not coming with,” Mettaton stage-whispered to Alphys. “Right?”

“I can hear you!”

“She’ll scare Blooky too much.”

Alphys frowned. It was probably true, but…

“Alphys.” Mettaton continued, noticing Alphys was considering it. “She’ll scare them.”

 

Undyne didn’t exactly scare Napstablook, but she wasn’t really trying to. They didn’t seem very threatening at all, not by the way they floated around with a sad expression, occasionally blankly cried, and politely offered her some food. Undyne wasn’t going to turn it down, even though she was a picky eater back at Alphys and Mettaton’s house, because part of her felt worried the monster might break right in front of her if she did so. It was okay, though, since they retracted the offer almost immediately when Undyne grabbed for Ghost Fries that weren’t there.

 

“Oh……………..” The ghost mumbled, practically sinking onto the floor with a heavy sigh. After a few moments, Mettaton joined them without a word.

“Hey,” Undyne called out, examining a brightly lit, well kept tank with plants that were missing pieces on their leaves. “What is this, Napstablook?”

“Huh? Oh……” They peeled themself off the floor and hovered over towards Undyne. “That’s where the snails sleep, now. It was ……. Too dangerous, to keep them outside…….”

“Can I see them?” She asked, curious.

“R-really?” Napstablook looked shocked- as shocked as they could with their sad face. “You don’t have to …….. Just to make me feel better………..”

“No, come on!!” She encouraged.

“Don’t force them-” Mettaton started, but Napstablook headed over towards the backyard.

“Hey, could you … help me take the radio….?” They asked Mettaton with a soft, subtle smile, and the robot almost immediately agreed.

\---

“They’re so cute!!!” Undyne exclaimed passionately, petting them (carefully!) the way Napstablook had delicately instructed.

“Yeah…..” The ghost smiled, softly, a far away smile that Undyne thought was quiet, but peaceful and nice.

The snails listened happily to Napstablook’s music chiming through the radio speakers.

Napstablook hesitated for a while, before:

“...S...sometimes, they have races………”

Mettaton and Alphys exchanged nervous glances.

\---

“COME ON!!!!” Undyne shouted at the tiny snail, with a little number sticker attached to its shell. “You’re going to have to try HARDER THAN THAT!!!” She continued, but it was genuine encouragement looped between her shouting.

Alphys couldn’t help but smile a bit to herself as she watched, ignoring Mettaton’s annoyance and Napstablook’s cautious looking expression. The snail, seemingly oblivious, didn’t move much.

After a few moments of thought, Alphys walked over towards where Undyne was yelling violent encouragement at the snail.

“C-come on!” She tried, much to Undyne’s excitement. “Y...You can do it...!”

The snail retreated back into its shell, but Undyne was already too busy excitedly bouncing at Alphys’s help to care too much.

\---

“What do scary movies have to do with Valentine’s day?” Undyne asked suspiciously as she examined the plastic case Alphys took the DVD out of. It smelled like chemicals, and made weird noises.

“Its tradition.” Mettaton replied as he joined them with a bowl of popcorn in one hand, and a bunch of red and pink glittery cards in the other. Placing the cards down on the coffee table, he reclines on the sofa with a protective grip on the popcorn bowl.

“I thought Valentine’s day was about love or something?” Undyne said, eyeing the cards before picking up a glittery one, grimacing at the texture of the glitter against her fingertips.

“Or something,” Mettaton clarified, as Alphys joined them.

“A-are we starting with the cards already…?” She asked, surprised.

“What are these?” Undyne chimed in, shaking one of the envelopes near her earfin, as if trying to hear if something was inside.

“These, my dear, naive, fishstick,” Mettaton announced dramatically as he snatched the envelope in Undyne’s grip away, holding it by his chestplate- complete with a loving sigh only seen on daytime TV telenovelas. “Are valentine’s cards, from all my beautiful admirers and fans.”

“Really? This is it?” Undyne asked bluntly, which caused Mettaton to sputter mechanically as Alphys tried not to laugh.

“ _No_ , this is not _it_!! This is just all I chose to bring over here!” He defended (lied).

Undyne ignored it. “That’s a little sad, that monsters took time out of their day to write to a microwave.”

(Mettaton made a mental note to make Undyne eat those words someday, when he was a big-time human-known Celebrity instead of a little, local one. Besides, calculator was a more accurate description of his former body, but he had to excuse it. Undyne only knew a handful of surface things- and microwave she knew well, since it was routine to char almost every piece of food she ate in one.)

Alphys plucked one of the cards off the table, one scribbled all over with a pink gel pen and practically bathed in glitter, and skimmed it over.

“H-how sweet….!” She cooed after a moment, unable to help being a hopeless romantic at the end of the day. “Read this one, MTT. T-they included a poem in it…”

Impressed, he took the card and read it over, dramatically, and Undyne rolled her eyes. Afterwards, he cooed as well and excitedly bounced at the love and thoughtfulness. Finding a way to rhyme a word with legs was difficult, so Mettaton definitely was going to cherish the hard work and dedication put into the poem with an egg-themed punchline. This was going on his Fan-Board up in his room.

They read a couple more, and Mettaton squealed with excitement with each and gave Alphys any pieces of candy included. Undyne tried one, immediately gagged and spat it out for being “too sweet”.

During the first film, due to it being incredibly cheesy and having an awkward sex scene (that Mettaton examined in distasteful detail and commented on the poor acting skills as Undyne stared in horror and Alphys covered her eyes, begging someone to fast forward), the trio began to entertain themselves with more of the cards.

“Oh…!” Alphys said after skimming one, and handing it to Mettaton. “I, um, I think this is it…”

Mettaton, now visibly more excited, reached for it quickly. After a second’s glance, he beamed, the LED lights littered around his body and the heart-shaped container around his waist burning bright.

“Yes, it is!” He punctuated with a giddy squeal, before trying to seem collected and coughing (robotically). It didn’t work. “I mean, yes. It is. How sweet!” He smiled to himself as his eyes flicked back and forth, retaining the information written neatly on the heavily decorated Valentine’s card.

“What’s his deal?” Undyne whispered (loudly) to Alphys, but Mettaton was too preoccupied sighing wistfully to care.

“He’s, well, uh…. I-it started a few valentine's back, but…. E-every year, some fan sends him an anonymous valentine’s card, and he gets super sappy about it.” She explained, before grinning and directing her words more at Mettaton, now. “Basically, he’s a dork with a crush on a mystery monster.”

“It’s not a crush!” Mettaton insisted, motors now whirring a bit louder at the force behind the words.

“Right, sorry.” Alphys corrected herself. “Infatuation.”

“Pot, meet kettle.” He replied with narrowed eyes, so Alphys quickly quieted down. “And besides, its fun. The author obviously puts a lot of work into these letters! I am only doing it justice by appreciating each and every word! Multiple times so!”

“Well, let us see it then!” Undyne announced, snatching the letter from him (Mettaton only released his grip because he was scared she would rip it in half if he didn’t). She skimmed the text for a few moments, the neat but large letters all mixing together and making absolutely no sense. Alphys and Mettaton had been teaching her how to make sense of letters and words now that she was living (temporarily!) on the surface. Turns out reading was useful, and inescapable. Still, she only could pick out the few familiar letters that stuck to her for some reason during the couple lessons. U, and A, Y (she likes that one because in Alphys’s handwriting, it looked like it had a fishtail, so Mettaton suggested the official spelling of UNDYNE for the scientist’s reports should have Y replace the I) and occasionally E and TON (as a whole), and some others that she had definitely seen, but didn’t remember right away. None of these were the handful of words they had taught her already (HOT, CAUTION, WARNING,DANGER), with the exception of METTATON.

Still, something about it seemed extremely familiar.

“Are you done?” Mettaton yawned, knowing by the blank stare across her face she couldn’t read a single word.

“....Read it to us!!” She demanded instead, handing it back to the robot and trying not to feel upset that she was at someone else’s mercy.

Glancing down at the neat, printed writing, littered with heart stickers, he smiled:

  
"HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, METTATON.

NEVER A DAY GOES BY WHERE I DON'T FIND MYSELF SWOONING OVER YOUR LOVELY VOICE, YOUR PASSION, AND CHARISMATIC SMILE. I DREAM TO HAVE YOUR VERY ARMS SURROUND ME, AND TO TAKE YOU ON A DATE TO SEE MY COOL ACTION FIGURES! MAYBE WE COULD EVEN HOLD HANDS….!

I WISH DAILY THAT I COULD WHISK YOU AWAY,

AND THAT WE COULD TRAVEL THE WORLD AND I COULD COUNT THE STARS IN YOUR EYES,

BUT ALAS, I AM TOO AFRAID THAT EVEN I AM NOT GREAT ENOUGH TO MATCH YOUR GREATNESS!

SO I REMAIN SECRET.

ALL I ASK IS THAT YOU CONTINUE TO GRACE US WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL PRESENCE, AND I WILL FEEL FOREVER FULFILLED.”

 

“Wow….” Alphys said quietly.

“Whoever this is, they seem pretty enthusiastic.” Undyne stated. “And familiar.”

At this, Mettaton scoffed, clutching the pink card close to his chestplate. “Don’t be foolish, are you insinuating I wouldn’t recognize a fan so sweet and adoring as this?” A pause. “Not to say all of my fans are not sweet. Just….” He sighs again, with a smile. “The passion behind these words are so….. so…..!”

“Okay, Okay, we get it.” Alphys rolled her eyes.

“ _Charming._ ” The robot finishes anyway, sticking out his leg for good measure. That was probably the only way to explain the complex feelings he felt reading the words each and every year. The unfaltering loyalty, the dedication, the mystery of it all… it made his Soul feel warm and fuzzy and-

“ _Okay, we get it…!_ ” Alphys repeated, sticking a heart-shaped sticker on Mettaton’s cheek to punctate her sentence, and only then did Mettaton even realize he had said it all out loud.

“It’s okay, my darling,” He teased, patting his friend on the face. “One day, you’ll get your Prince Charming, too.”

When he glanced over at Undyne not-at-all-subtly and then back at Alphys, she narrowed her eyes at him and hurried to go pick out another movie to watch.

—-

“What about these?” Mettaton asked as he reached up to the top shelf of the aisle that Alphys could never dream of reaching. Thank goodness for extendable robot limbs.

She made a face. “No, you didn’t like those last time.”

Mettaton frowned, took the box back down to his level, and examined it. “Are you sure? These look promising.”

“I remember it.” She nodded, calculating which bag of candies had more caramel-chocolates at a better sale price between the two in her hands. “You said, a-and I quote, _‘these taste like the human producer’s ass I refused to kiss’._ ”

The one in her right hand had more caramel ones, but the one in her left had more variety….

Mettaton paused, before placing it back on the shelf. “I wasn’t about to kiss his ass- or any part of him- for a measly background appearance in a day-time television commercial about a mall that isn’t even Monster-friendly. I have standards.”

Alphys tossed both bags in the cart without looking back.

“You did the right thing…”

“I know I did! What about these?”

Alphys glanced over. “Oh! Yeah, those have the, um….. the heart candies with the words on them.”

“Sweethearts?”

“Maybe…?” Alphys shrugged, not remembering the name. Mettaton tossed them towards the cart. Undyne, having been confined to sitting in the cart after knocking down the fruits display earlier, caught it and cheered triumphantly.

Alphys had tried to come alone, but the idea of a crowded grocery market on February 15th made her nervous, and the thought of leaving Undyne alone in the house again if she went with Mettaton made her even more nervous.

Thus, she settled for a stressful and chaotic trip featuring Undyne and Mettaton.

“E-everything okay?” Alphys checked up on Undyne, who was sitting in the cramped cart and struggling to read the label on the heart-shaped chocolate box.

“What’s this word?”

“Chocolate.”

Fascinated, Undyne traced the curly, gold letters on the wrapper.

“Hey, what about these?” Mettaton called again from across the aisle, and Alphys reluctantly left her spot by Undyne to head towards him.

“‘Chili pepper  Dark chocolate’...?” Alphys grimaced. “That sounds…. k-kinda gross.”

“Yeah, but I’m thinking maybe Free Willy over there might enjoy it.” Mettaton said casually.

Alphys sighed at the nickname. “S-she doesn’t like sweet stuff….”

“It’s _spicy.”_ Mettaton corrected. “Doesn’t she like those kinds of things?”

“No,” Alphys shook her head. “She likes hot food, not spicy.”

“Oh.” Mettaton examined the box, almost somewhat disappointed. It just felt….. wrong to not include her now. The idea that it did, as well, concerned them both, but neither wanted to call the other out on it.

“... I-it’s on sale, maybe we should just try it-” She cut herself off as she turned back to an empty, toppled over cart. Their cart, to be specific, she recognized its contents. And it’s lack of Undyne.

“U-Undyne?!” Alphys called out, panicking now as she hurried out of the aisle, Mettaton in tow.

“Undyne?!” He called out as well, turning his voice-box up louder, which only made Alphys more nervous.

“Oh god,” Alphys said to herself as she hurried through the aisles. “Oh god oh god oh _god-”_

Though it took only about 15 seconds to locate her, Alphys could’ve sworn her life flashed before her eyes _twice_.

“T-there you are!” Alphys exclaimed, though it was hard to do so being so out of breath. She took the time to catch it, standing by Undyne and clutching at her chest. Absentmindedly, she heard Mettaton’s heels clicking behind them, so she knew he was right behind her.

“Wh…. what were you doing….?! Wh-Why did you leave…?!”

Undyne, blinking once, handed a bouquet of wildflowers to Alphys, who was wondering if maybe she should get checked for asthma.

“Uh, sorry,” She laughed a little, bashfully, and it made Alphys look up. “I kind of saw these here, and I wanted to bring them back to you as a surprise. You know- like in the commercial from yesterday!”

Alphys’s Memory jogged and vaguely remembered having to explain a valentine’s themed commercial on TV. The one with the couple cuddling and the boy buying his boyfriend a million flowers every year and hiding the engagement ring on the stems.

She suddenly felt a little loss for words.

“Oh my,” Mettaton drawled out upon approaching the scene. “Am I interrupting something here, darling?” He teased.

Alphys’s cheeks burned deeply.

“But, uh, I don’t really have anything to buy them with.” Undyne explained again, still holding out the flowers towards the scientist and laughing with the same embarrassment that suddenly squeezed at Alphys’s Soul.

No one had ever gotten her flowers before, not like that, and even though Mettaton and her ended up buying the flowers, the way Undyne presented them to her again afterwards had her world spinning.

Did this still count as a Valentine if it was a day late, and if she technically bought it? Alphys pretended it did, holding the flowers close to her chest the entire ride home.

—

Returning back with their spoils, the three of them occupied themselves with heart shaped chocolate (Undyne tried the pepper one. She hated it, but her reaction was entertaining to watch) and valentine’s card packages with cherry heart lollipops and cute stickers. Alphys made sure to place the flowers in a vase and give them enough water, smiling happily to herself.

Undyne and Alphys decorated Mettaton’s legs with a bunch of cute stickers, and Mettaton stuck one to Undyne’s arm (which she hated and immediately tried to scratch off). After she had gotten bored, Undyne ended up pinning Alphys down and started decorating her with the leftover stickers as well. Although the smaller monster pretended to struggle, Undyne grinned and placed heart stickers on her cheeks.

Undyne decided she liked Alphys and Mettaton’s idea of Valentine’s better than the ones she saw on TV.


	2. EASY ON MONSTERS, HARD ON BOTS.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Captcha's a bitch.

Mettaton knew frowning probably caused premature wrinkles, Mettaton knew his motors were heating up and his fans whirred as he struggled to focus, Mettaton knew he could easily just ask help. 

But when did Mettaton ever do anything the easy way?

“What’s got you so worked up?”

Mettaton sighed, looking up from his dizzying laptop screen at the sound of Undyne’s voice. She must’ve just come in from the garden- Alphys had been teaching her how to care for Surface plants and flowers. She still had a couple leaves and flower petals tangled in her hair. 

“I think I’m having an aneurysm.” He told her calmly, solemnly.

“What the hell? What are you talking about?”

He sighed, dramatic and over the top, because it was his Brand at this point, and gestured to his screen. 

“I think Alphys is going to have to do some maintenance or update something in my VPP. I can’t read any of this!”

“What’s VPP?”

“Vision-Processing-Program.” He waves her off. “That’s not the important part.”

“Have you been sitting here the whole time?” Undyne questioned instead, glancing at the clock as if she knew how to read it. Mettaton knew damn well she couldn’t. 

Just as well as he,  _ apparently _ , couldn’t read this text and needed to update software. 

Another sigh. “Yes.” How annoying. He would have to power down  _ again _ . Be in that uncomfortable state of limbo, less he chose to be in that clunky, heavy former body (which, while he adored that form and thought it deserved as much traction as his current form did, was completely unsettling to adjust back and forth to, in an entirely  _ corporal  _ way- something he never thought he could explain, let alone experience) until whatever updates were finished. And Alphys had been so busy lately, particularly with taking record of Undyne and her DT reactions (which was extremely inconclusive, and Mettaton understood science was a passion of hers, but it was getting very concerning seeing her bring herself to tears almost every night trying to connect the dots and figure out just what the hell was going on in Undyne’s cellular functions), so there was no guarantee she would have time to plan and create a new update to implement and-

He glanced over at his laptop’s screen again, at all the squiggly lines and mushed up letters and tried, tried very hard to read anything.

Defeated, he let out a loud groan and slid further down into the sofa. 

He felt the sofa shift as Undyne joined him, now squishing against him and ignoring any personal space in an attempt to see the screen. 

She squinted, leaned towards the screen, leaned away from it, rubbed her eye- the one not completely marred and slightly unsettling to look at. 

“What the hell….?” Undyne mumbled to herself. Then, louder: “Why do the letters look like that?”

Mettaton’s eyes widened a bit, sitting up and turning to face her. “You can make out letters?” 

“I don’t…..” Undyne blinked a few times. “I don’t know? They’re really weird. Why do they look like that? Is that that squiggly-writing you guys told me about? That doesn’t look like print.”

A sigh of relief. So it  _ wasn’t  _ just him. “It’s not! I don’t know what it is- it just looks like loops and it hurts my head to look at it too long.” He explained, drawing squiggles and loops in the air to demonstrate. Undyne seemed to focused on the screen. 

“.... S….No- M? No wait…. What’s that one that’s like this?” Undyne asked, drawing some incomprehensible shape in the air that was certainly not any letter of any alphabet Alphys and Mettaton taught her. He blinked. 

Right. Undyne hardly had all her letters down. 

“Okay, new plan.” Mettaton stood from the sofa and headed over towards the dining table where Alphys And Undyne had worked on some letters and numbers together (Undyne liked the numbers more). With a stray pen, he printed out 26 letters and 10 numbers and hurried back. 

“Every letter or number you can find in this ….. mess, you point to, got it?”

Undyne’s vision scanned the neat handwriting, then glanced at the screen again. Back at the paper. Then up at the screen. She frowned. 

“This is…. giving me a headache.”

“Try harder.” He paused, realizing how pushy it came out. “Please?” 

Undyne rolled her eyes. “Fine.” 

She fell silent for a while, glancing between the paper and the screen. 

“...... I think the first one is this one-“

Mettaton typed in a Q.

“And then U.”

U.

“Three?”

3….

“Wait no-“

Wait, no. 

“Four?”

Backspace. 4.

“No, not that one.”

Mettaton narrowed his eyes at her. “That’s a four.”

“Are you sure?”

“Are  _ you _ sure?” He mimicked, gritting his teeth. 

“No!” Undyne retorted. “I’m not! I’m learning still!”

“ _ Point to the number, Undyne.” _

She pointed. 

“.... That’s a seven.”

Backspace. 7.

“Oh.”

“Next?”

Undyne grew quiet, which was never really a good sign. 

“.... Well?”

“I can’t tell if it’s this one,” She pointed to an X. “Or this one.” Then a K. 

Mettaton groaned, buried his face in his hands and slumped back down into the couch again. 

“I can’t do this- I don’t have the patience- I need to ask Alphys to fix my VPP.” 

Undyne nodded, but instead of just waiting for her to come inside, or even just calling her inside to help, Mettaton watched as Undyne sprung up from the sofa and raced outside, moments later returning with an  _ absolutely terrified _ Alphys held high in her arms. 

“Emergency! Emergency!” Undyne announced (her new word that they had taught her two days prior and she was definitely overusing), and Mettaton was surprised at how rather gently Undyne had placed Alphys onto their carpeted floor. 

“W-what’s going on?” Alphys asked with wide eyes, ready to jump at whatever was the problem. 

Mettaton sighed, and turned the laptop towards her. Not bothering to explain. 

“..... Um…” Alphys squinted, fixing her glasses. “That sure is….. a webpage….”

“No, I can’t read it. I think my VPP needs fixing. It’s just all squished together and it’s hurting to look at for too long.”

Alphys blinked at him, silent, before looking a bit amused. 

It annoyed Mettaton for some reason. 

“Wait-what? What do you mean?”

“I  _ mean _ I can’t read it.” Mettaton expressed with frustration. “Something’s wrong with  _ your  _ software.”

He watched her blink again, before she broke down into a few giggles.

“What’s so funny, Alphys!”

Instead of answering, she just took the laptop, and clicked a few times. Turning it back over to him, she pointed at the screen. 

“Is that better?”

Mettaton squinted. The words were gone now, but they were replaced by many blocks. They looked blurry, like his brain was filled with static, and he felt frustration bubble up. 

**_“Select all the street signs in the photo.”_ **

 

Mettaton felt even more frustrated. There  _ weren’t  _ any. 

“No.” He finally replied. “See? I told you- something’s wrong with your VPP software. It needs updating.”

Alphys laughed a bit, and Mettaton felt the thin string of patience snap. “ _ What _ is so funny?!

Undyne glanced at the laptop, confused. 

“What’s with all the weird signs?”

No. Mettaton’s eyes widened. This had to be a joke, right? There weren’t any signs. 

He grabbed the laptop from Alphys forcefully, his eyes frantically scanning the screen. Nothing. Just colorful blobs. It made his head hurt to look at them too long. They jumbled together and mixed and became increasingly incomprehensible by the moment. 

“Ok, I get it.” Mettaton gave a forced laugh. “Nice try, but Undyne gives it away.”

“What do you mean?” Alphys questioned. 

“I mean, this is obviously a set up. Undyne isn’t a strong enough reader to catch that it’s asking for street signs- this is a set up. Haha. Very funny.” Mettaton grinned. 

Undyne and Alphys blinked at him. Their silence only made him more nervous.

“I… didn’t have to.” Undyne said slowly. “There’s just a bunch of weird signs on that page.”

Mettaton felt his Soul grow cold. 

What?

“Where.” He stated, unblinking, turning the screen toward her and pointing at it. 

Undyne took a moment to scan the page with her eye, then pointed at a few blobs. “There…. and there. And that one.”

“MTT.” Alphys said as she began to laugh again. 

“No- stop laughing!” He protested. “Its-it’s not like that! This isn’t funny!” 

It only made Alphys laugh even more, and he snapped the laptop shut. “Stop it- shut up! Stop laughing! Ugh- This is your faulty software’s fault!” He felt his Soul burn with embarrassment. 

“ _ The Fearless Mettaton, _ ” Alphys started dramatically. “ _ Defeated at the hands of a Captcha. _ ” 

“Stop it!”

“What’s captcha?” Undyne questioned.

“Nothing!”

“It’s a system made to stop robots from getting into specific websites.” Alphys said with laughter still wrapped around her words. She reached for the laptop but Mettaton held it closer to his chest in protest. 

“Ohhhh,” Mettaton saw the lights go on upstairs in Undyne’s head. “ _ Ohh! _ So he can’t read it?” 

“She’s wrong-I can read it just  _ fine. _ ” Mettaton practically growled, fans in his chestplate whirring loudly, as if  to remind him and add more insult to injury. “ _ Thank you very much. _ ”

Mettaton opened the laptop up again, clicked back to the jumbled words option, and glared at the screen. 

He ignored how Undyne and Alphys watched him for several minutes before he clicked on the W key and winced as his eyes burned due to the strain of trying to decipher it. 

“Oh, quit being so dramatic.” Alphys said as she yanked the laptop away from him and typed out the rest of the jumbled mess (and erased his W attempt) as she ignored his protests. Undyne was too busy laughing, so Mettaton forcefully threw a pillow with intent to get her to shut up. 

“There.” Alphys said, handing it back to him.  

“I’m not saying thank you.” 

“I’m not fixing your inability to solve Captcha.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> remember when i would write for this series? yeah me neither


End file.
